Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail (and What to Do Instead)
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By now, we’re well into January and if you’ve heard of Quitters Day, today might feel familiar.
Quitters Day is the point in January when most people abandon their New Year’s resolutions not because of the lack of motivation or discipline, but because the way we’re taught to change simply goes against how the human brain and nervous system actually work.
If you’re already feeling discouraged and have fallen off-track from your resolutions, I want you to know this first: You’re not broken. You’re not failing.
Why New Year’s Resolutions Often Don’t Work
Most New Year’s resolutions fail for a few reasons:
They rely on willpower (which is finite!)
Research in behavioural psychology show that willpower is a limited resource. Stress, emotional load, poor sleep, and seasonal factors (hello January!) all reduce our capacity for self-control.
They’re driven by avoidance rather than meaning
Goals like “I need to stop feeling anxious” and “I need to stop procrastinating” are often attempts to escape discomfort. Evidence-based therapies like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) show that change driven by avoidance tends to increase shame and burnout, not motivation.
They ignore how the brain learns
Neuroscience tells us that lasting behaviour change happens through small, repeatable actions…not dramatic overhauls made overnight.
From a therapist’s perspective, this matters because lasting change comes from clarity, compassion, and alignment with what actually matters to you. When goals are rooted in guilt or comparison, they tend to activate anxiety, avoidance, or burnout instead of motivation.
What Works Better Than Resolutions
Rather than asking: “What should I be doing this year?”
Try asking: “What kind of person do I want to be, especially when things get hard?”
Values-based work used in ACT focuses on direction, not perfection. Values don’t disappear when you miss a day or lose momentum. They’re something you can return to again and again.
For example:
Instead of “I will never feel anxious” → “I want to respond to anxiety with patience and courage.”
Instead of “I need to be more productive” → “I value balance and respecting my limits.”
A Simple Exercise You Can Try Today (5 Minutes)
If today happens to be a Quitters Day for you, here’s a gentle reset that aligns with what we know about sustainable change:
Grab a piece of paper and complete these prompts:
This year, I want to feel more…
(e.g., grounded, connected, confident, calm)When I’m living in alignment, I tend to act like this…
(e.g., setting boundaries, resting without guilt, asking for help)One small action I can take this week that reflects my values is…
(keep this very small so that it feels doable even on a hard day)
Small, values-aligned actions are far more likely to stick than rigid resolutions especially when they’re paired with self-compassion rather than criticism.
That’s it. No perfection required.
If you’ve already let go of a resolution you set earlier this month, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re human. Growth doesn’t have to be dramatic to be meaningful. Sometimes it starts with noticing the pressure you’re under and choosing a slightly softer response.